Introducing, Mr. Smith

Once I left my 25 year marriage, I felt like a failure.

“I don’t need no man”, was my tagline. That is what I told myself, but there is a difference between need, and want. I like men, and knew one day the right one would show up. At the time he didn’t look like what I envisioned, but that was just another thought process that needed letting go. God had proved multiple times that His plan is nothing like mine.

Time has passed, and I see that people come into my life for a reason, and sometimes only a season. Each person has made me better in some way. My hope would be that they are better for visiting, but that is up to them. A really good relationship is about so much more than love. This year I’ve learned patience.

It takes a butt ton of patience, and understanding.

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When I met Mr. Smith I told him, “You don’t have to worry about breaking my heart. I can do that myself!” More time has passed, and I know that he wouldn’t.

When I told him, “God gave me this title, Bentnotbroken,” Smith showed me a picture of his back. Tattooed from the top of his spine, all the way down, were the words, “Bent not broken.”

I just sat there in shock, and stared at the picture.

Had God given me a Blog/Book title, or a man?

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I Killed It

My daughter started with succulents. That was easy because you can get away with ignoring those.

Then she suggested Boston Ferns for the front porch this year. That was scary. You see, I tend to over care. They have always looked intimidating. How could something that beautiful be easy to care for?

They are easy, so I gained confidence, and bought an indoor plant. At the time, it spoke to me for two reasons. It looked the way I felt inside, and it was $2.00. If I killed it, it was not a large investment.

It was going in my bedroom, which was kept cool, and dim. It doesn’t receive a lot of natural light, unless the drapes are opened. They weren’t opened very wide at the time, if at all. We enjoyed the dark.

After about a week, I noticed the plant was loosing it’s rich green color. It wasn’t receiving enough light. so I turned the lamp on for it, but it still looked sad.

It was turning brown, so I took it into the kitchen, and sat it in the sunny window. That was too much light at once, so it fried it. What had I learned?

I took it down from the window sill, and sat it on the counter near the light. Eventually it began new growth, but it was slow. After a couple of weeks of doctoring, I went back to the plant store, and bought a new one to try again with my newfound knowledge. The lady who helps me, looked puzzled because she knew I had already purchased one a month before.

She asked about that one, and I said, “I killed it.”

Handing me the new one, she said, “Try it again.”

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This I Know

When I was a little girl, we went to church. Mama was very active in the church, so the whole family went. Mama didn’t give us a choice until we were 18.

There was a song we sang in Sunday school, and you’ve probably heard it. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” We learned it by heart.

Mama made us go to church, so when I turned 18, I left. Who wants to be ‘made’, or forced to do something? I may have left the church, but Mama knew what she was doing. I still don’t question Gods love for me. His love is the one love I know is true.

When I look over my life, and ponder what has bent me the most, it’s relationships. I haven’t written in-depth about them publicly before, but writing heals.

I don’t write about specific people, or use any names. It’s what the person taught me that will fall to the page. If they read this Blog, and realize it is them being used as an example, my hope would be they feel honored for being worth writing about.

I want to document this season of my life, because I haven’t done that before. Most people keep private journals, which I have a stack of, but keeping it private doesn’t help anyone but me. This life is not all about me, and even that took time to know.

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This I know.