Bridge the Gap

Mr. Smith and I have the same spider.

His builds a web on his front porch, and mine builds a web on the back. They have been there for months.

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Maybe this is similar to a long-lasting relationship.

My spider began up under the roof of the porch, like it was practicing, and building up courage to safely expand. Then one day, I noticed one end of the web attached to the porch roof, but the other end was connected to a tree branch, spanning a great distance.

This act of bravery is of great benefit to the spider.

There is more web which equals more food.

During the day, the spiders curl up in a corner, and enclose themselves with webbing. Just like the building of the web, a long-lasting relationship takes effort, so there needs to be time to curl up and rest.

Each day the web becomes more massive, and it caused me to ponder bridging the gap of the relationship. The miles between the two souls.

Mr. Smith’s spider, along with mine expand their webs everyday, like Smith and I do when we feel the gap. Until that day arrives where we can share our lives as one, we can imitate the two spider’s. One at his home, one at mine. Time will bridge the gap.

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Protect Your Cup

I’ve read many times, “You are responsible for your own happiness.” I believe that to be true, but…

What happens when we begin giving away pieces of our happiness? Do we have to stop and refill our happy? Can our happy become depleted?

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This is the cup and saucer called life.

I used to believe, having my cup full was enough, but it’s not. I can sit down to write, and sip along on a cup of tea or coffee without really paying attention to how many sips I’ve taken. One more sip and I’m staring into an empty cup. It happened by repetition.

It’s the same way with our happy.

One moment it’s there, and the next, it’s gone.

Then a very dear friend offered a revelation.

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It felt like she handed me a gift. It was a shift in perspective, and changed my thinking forever!

The teacup sits in a saucer to catch the drips, or in my friends words, ‘the overflow’.

She taught me how to fill myself up, and once it flows into the saucer, give that part of me away. People should drink from the overflow. Protect your cup.

To Be Loved

My daughter just left the house to go see her friend visiting from Britain. She let me sleep in this morning, but came in my room before she left. As she sat on the edge of my bed, I’ve never seen her look happier. Her aura was beaming brighter than the sunlight pouring through the windows.

When I left her father, 5 years ago, she came with me.

I didn’t want her to grow up and believe that what she saw was a normal marriage. That what we displayed was what love looked like. I’ve been in love twice in the past five years, and she has seen every stage of it. She has seen what true love looks like, and I saw the beginnings of it in her this morning.

My daughter is wise beyond her years. She sent me the post for Build a Man, so she knows what to look for. Today, what she found, she gets to feel.

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I would like to thank the woman I was five years ago.

Thanks to that woman, we know how to love and, to be loved.

 

Introducing, Mr. Smith

Once I left my 25 year marriage, I felt like a failure.

“I don’t need no man”, was my tagline. That is what I told myself, but there is a difference between need, and want. I like men, and knew one day the right one would show up. At the time he didn’t look like what I envisioned, but that was just another thought process that needed letting go. God had proved multiple times that His plan is nothing like mine.

Time has passed, and I see that people come into my life for a reason, and sometimes only a season. Each person has made me better in some way. My hope would be that they are better for visiting, but that is up to them. A really good relationship is about so much more than love. This year I’ve learned patience.

It takes a butt ton of patience, and understanding.

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When I met Mr. Smith I told him, “You don’t have to worry about breaking my heart. I can do that myself!” More time has passed, and I know that he wouldn’t.

When I told him, “God gave me this title, Bentnotbroken,” Smith showed me a picture of his back. Tattooed from the top of his spine, all the way down, were the words, “Bent not broken.”

I just sat there in shock, and stared at the picture.

I was on the right path, but where would it lead?

Through a lot of valuable lessons about life, and love.

I Killed It

My daughter started with succulents. That was easy because you can get away with ignoring those.

Then she suggested Boston Ferns for the front porch this year. That was scary. You see, I tend to over care. They have always looked intimidating. How could something that beautiful be easy to care for?

They are easy, so I gained confidence, and bought an indoor plant. At the time, it spoke to me for two reasons. It looked the way I felt inside, and it was $2.00. If I killed it, it was not a large investment.

It was going in my bedroom, which was kept cool, and dim. It doesn’t receive a lot of natural light, unless the drapes are opened. They weren’t opened very wide at the time, if at all. We enjoyed the dark.

After about a week, I noticed the plant was loosing it’s rich green color. It wasn’t receiving enough light. so I turned the lamp on for it, but it still looked sad.

It was turning brown, so I took it into the kitchen, and sat it in the sunny window. That was too much light at once, so it fried it. What had I learned?

I took it down from the window sill, and sat it on the counter near the light. Eventually it began new growth, but it was slow. After a couple of weeks of doctoring, I went back to the plant store, and bought a new one to try again with my newfound knowledge. The lady who helps me, looked puzzled because she knew I had already purchased one a month before.

She asked about that one, and I said, “I killed it.”

Handing me the new one, she said, “Try it again.”

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This I Know

When I was a little girl, we went to church. Mama was very active in the church, so the whole family went. Mama didn’t give us a choice until we were 18.

There was a song we sang in Sunday school, and you’ve probably heard it. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” We learned it by heart.

Mama made us go to church, so when I turned 18, I left. Who wants to be ‘made’, or forced to do something? I may have left the church, but Mama knew what she was doing. I still don’t question Gods love for me. His love is the one love I know is true.

When I look over my life, and ponder what has bent me the most, it’s relationships. I haven’t written in-depth about them publicly before, but writing heals.

I don’t write about specific people, or use any names. It’s what the person taught me that will fall to the page. If they read this Blog, and realize it is them being used as an example, my hope would be they feel honored for being worth writing about.

I want to document this season of my life, because I haven’t done that before. Most people keep private journals, which I have a stack of, but keeping it private doesn’t help anyone but me. This life is not all about me, and even that took time to know.

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This I know.